Fear is not an option anymore

Making Up For Lost Time (Why I run for Ella)
August 27, 2016
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  • Age: 53
  • Lives in: Tappan NY
  • Occupation: Trainer/Wellness Coach
  • Family: Divorced with 2 Children
  • Hobbies: Fitness, Theatre, Dancing, Jewelry making

I am in recovery and have been struggling with sobriety and all the drama that comes with it for over 10 years.  The most heartbreaking being the loss of my children.  Who would have thought that on December 13, 2010 I was to leave for treatment never to return home again.

Fortunately my sponsor introduced me to Synergy, and  2016 began my journey of transformation and a life worth living.

On the morning of November 30, 2016 I was given a gift!!!!  My Synergy experience allowed me to FINALLY pursue a dream over 3 years in the making….

I followed my son Dominic and his father to school.  The journey from my former residence to Paramus Catholic was approximately 10 minutes.  I was not cut off by any vehicles  and every light was green.  The rain even stopped.  I followed the flow of cars to the front curb of the school.  I watched Dominic as he opened the door and collected his belongings.  As his father pulled away my heart began to race.  Without hesitation I sprung into action.  I followed my son into the building.  When I was several feet behind him I called his name.  He turned around and gave me that beautiful little smile which allowed me to exhale, then we embraced in the most amazing hug.  I whispered in his ear ”Oh my god I have been waiting for this moment for so long!  I miss you and love you and I am so sorry.”  I reluctantly let go, “If it were up to me, I would have hung on to him all day.”  Anyway, I handed him a bag which contained 2 packages. One for him and my daughter Amanda.   Each package contained a card, a framed photo of the 2 of them with a poem that says….Before you were conceived I wanted you, before you were born I loved you, before you were here an hour I would die for you.  This is the miracle of life.  I then asked Dominic to please place this bag in his locker and open it when he gets home.  I gave him a kiss on the cheek, told him I love him and left.  (Then I prayed that my car didn’t get towed from the front of the school.. LOL)

AA saved my life and Synergy taught me what to do with it

Around 2:30 I received this text….  Hi Mom it’s Dom.  I just want to let you know that I opened your presents and I love them so much.  They made me happy and I’m hanging them in my room right now.  I want to tell you that I am not angry with you, I never was and never will be.  I’ve never blamed you for what happened.  I knew it was so hard for you, and that you were were really trying, and people didn’t  understand that.  I always believed in you and never gave up hope on you.  I’ve loved you since day 1 and I always will!  Don’t feel like you need to apologize to me or make anything up to me.  I was never angry with you.  I was only worried about you.  I just want you to be better so you can be happy and I want you to know that you don’t need to feel sad or like you’ve hurt me.  Instead I want you to think about how much I love you all the time and be happy!!  Know that I only think fondly and with love, never sadness or hurt.

This whole experience was something out a Hallmark movie.  Synergy erased my fear, replaced it with hope and allowed me to receive this gift.  The concept of giving 100% expect 0% really works!!  I went into this with 100% of my being.  My motivation was passion and love for my son.  I kept my focus on what I wanted to do, prayed and went into action.  Fear and Faith can’t live in the same space…Fear is not an option anymore.  I thank Synergy, and my belief in God for that.

Fear is not an option anymore

I have shared many times throughout my Synergy journey that AA saved my life and Synergy taught me what to do with it… So to all of you reading this that are stuck and just existing day after day.  feel free to open up the door to a new world.  If I can change and transform so can you…

1 Comment

  1. AlexPex says:

    Great post. The email subscription for this article arrived just perfectly in time when I need something to really make me decide on one thing that would somehow make me grow professionally and I am afraid I might get mistakes. When I read the article it made me realize that I can t avoid failures or mistakes and I can avoid being fearful. If I won t at least even try to do the things that are out of my comfort zone, then maybe I will not be able to learn. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

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